On Infertility

Sharing my feelings and thoughts on the internet is not really my thing.  One of my challenges with adoption is that it is all so... public. Anyone and everyone can see our letter to birthparents and our photo album.  But I have had to just get over that, and it has actually turned into a very positive thing for me.

When we posted on Facebook and Instagram that we were trying to adopt, I did not in any way expect the response that we got. So many people that I hadn't seen or talked to in years re-posted our photo and said amazing things about us.  Sometimes, late at night, I even lay awake and pretend they are all true. ;)  I am beyond grateful for the kindness that has been shown to us and the comfort I have found in that.  And it has made me feel like maybe I can be a little more public with whats going on in my life, and that maybe people won't just turn my photos into a People of Wal- Mart meme.

So... our story.  It took us two years to get pregnant with Stella, but we conceived without any doctor intervention.  We were in no hurry back then, and we decided that whenever it happened was fine with us.

Baby Stella.  AWWWWWW! 

When Stella was 18 months we decided to go off of birth control and we took on the "whenever it happens is fine with us" mentality again.  We had talked about the fact that it would probably take several months, because it took so long with Stella. But part of me thought we would definitely get pregnant right away.  I hoped we would get pregnant right away. This time I wasn't willing to wait the two years. This time I knew what it was like to have a baby, how amazing it was.

Fast forward three years later and we have had every test in the book. (I will spare you the details of each and every test, because most of them were not pleasant.) All the results came back completely normal, and we are told we both have exceptionally healthy reproductive systems. Yes, this is the best news possible, but also frustrating.  I wish there was just a surgery or a pill that would fix the problem. Instead, we have no answers. We also tried artificial insemination and it was un- successful.

 Me and Stella on the day she was born. 

Me and Stella a year and a half later. She looks like a different person!

On a positive note, I have two brand new nieces, and baby cuddles are in no short supply when we visit Logan. I could hold them all day.  Forget food and water, can't you see I'm HOLDING A BABY HERE?? 

Stella meeting Finnley, Rhett's brothers little girl.  Love that chubby little face! 

This is Sloane, my sister Megan's little girl. She looks cute, but she smells even better.  Love that baby smell! 

When Rhett and I started talking about adoption, something about it just felt right. It feels like we are on the right path.  I have had to let go of all my plans, and come to the realization that this is out of my hands.  I do believe that Heavenly Father leads and guides us. Sometimes it's important to pause for a moment in life and remind yourself of that.

Religious speak to the internet world. Another thing I am un comfortable with. Perhaps I should just get over that one too.